How to Love
Appreciate you. Before loving anyone else, you have to love yourself. Learning to love yourself means accepting and appreciating the vulnerability within. [1] You have many qualities that are unique to you. Learn to appreciate who you are and what you can offer.- If you have problems loving yourself, then work hard to build yourself up. Work on your self confidence by accepting your past and moving forward. You may feel that things you did in the past will make you unlovable, or that you have too many problems to be lovable. Untrue. Accept the things that happened to you, forgive yourself, and move on.
- For more information, check out How to Love Yourself .
- Don’t let yourself become the last priority; instead, do things do show yourself you care. Treat yourself to a massage or a bath. Do one thing every day that is just for you.
- This extends to maintaining boundaries and saying “no.” If what you need is some relaxation, say no to getting together with friends. [3]
- Think about the characteristics you have that you love about yourself. Maybe you are very compassionate, generous, or a good listener. Maybe you pick up new skills easily. Perhaps you create beautiful paintings or wire electricity like a pro. Take a moment and be grateful.
- Use positive self-talk to transform negative thoughts into positive thoughts.
- Combat thoughts about new situations. Instead of “I’ll mess this up; I’m so foolish!” try “I feel proud of myself for trying something new and putting myself out there.”
- If you think “I am so bad at meeting people” replace it with “I’m excited to learn new social skills and meet people more like me. I know I can succeed in making friends.”
- You can choose to meditate. practice yoga. paint or draw. kayak. hiking, practice Muay Thai or engage in lively discussions. Think about what brings a smile to your face, and go do it!
- It’s important to note that alone time doesn’t mean going on social media. Try to do things that enrich your life and make you feel good like taking a walk or journaling.
- If you struggle to find alone time, wake up before other people, or spend your lunch breaks alone. Ask your partner to watch the kids for one hour each week so you can get out of the house and spend some time alone.
- If you are unhappy or impatient being single, make the best of the situation. Pursue opportunities that are difficult to accomplish with a partner or a family. Travel, acquire lots of close friends, and enjoy your perpetual freedom.
- Commit to the person and to the relationship. Put in work to make your partner feel special, and work toward making the relationship work.
- When you begin to feel vulnerable (like experiencing fear, sadness, shame, or hurt), take a moment and pause. Acknowledge whatever feelings come up and allow yourself to feel them; don’t avoid them. Take compassion on the feeling and be gentle with it.
- Share your vulnerable moments and let your partner support you.
- Lots of things can create peaks and troughs in love, such as having children or growing older. You can work through them.
Be open to receiving love. You don’t have to be the one in control of the love in your relationship; let your partner express love toward you. Receiving love can feel vulnerable to some people because it requires letting go of control. Be open to receiving gifts, accepting compliments, and warm gestures toward you. You may feel like you now owe something back, but let that go and enjoy the experience of receiving. Love does not have debts but multiplies. [11]
Touch your partner. Touching does not need to be sexual, but engaging in a long, supportive hug or reaching out for your partner’s hand is a way to stay connected. Express your love for your partner by initiating and sustaining physical contact. Affection is one way to express care, appreciation, and other connecting, positive emotions. [12]- Affection is a way to make your partner feel loved and for you to feel loving.
Express gratitude to your partner. Sometimes the way we communicate with a partner can be lost in translation, but gratitude is always understood. Affirm your appreciation of your partner by expressing gratitude. Thank your partner to show that you notice the effort put into the relationship. Show appreciation for the things your partner does, and also for the qualities that your loved one embodies. [13]
Be partners in life. The whole point of going through life with people you love is so that you can tackle life’s challenges together. Work together to find solutions, solve problems, and comfort each other when times get tough. We can’t solve everything on our own, we can’t know everything there is to know. but a whole bunch of people getting together out of love can solve just about any problem.
Don’t expect perfection. Don’t expect perfection in the person you love or in yourself. This sets incredibly unrealistic expectations. Neither of you will be able to live up to these standards and you both will end up hurt and disappointed. Take it easy on yourself and your partner, and expect mistakes to happen.
Learn lessons and apply them to your relationships. Yes, bad things will happen in your relationships. You’ll say the wrong thing, or your partner will hurt your feelings. It happens. The important part, when anything goes wrong (even if it’s just problems in your life), is to learn your lessons and keep moving forward. Try to make the most of any negative situation, turning it into something positive by gaining and growing from the experience. Honestly try to see your significant other's point of view in any argument that gets fairly serious.- If you're in the wrong, apologize and own up to your mistake. Good relationships air out the grievances and clear the air.
- Be aware that there's always the opportunity for reconciliation. Whether you have volatile screaming matches or you sit down together to compromise before things get too heated, almost every style of conflict allows for some form of reconciliation. No matter how you and your partner fight, make sure you are, in the end, both feeling heard and able to come to some kind of agreement. [15]
- Positive interactions include physical intimacy such as touching, smiling, and laughing.
- Focus on loving yourself first. Put your time, energy, and money into creating a life you love. Along the way you’ll meet someone who is doing the same thing and you’ll both be primed to love each other abundantly. If you’re already at that point in life, try meeting someone at places you love to be. For example, if you love rock climbing, be more open to chatting up the climber next you.
How do I deal with a partner that I love very much, but who suffers with anxiety?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- There are many excellent resources that will teach you about anxiety so you can understand what your partner is going through, and how you can help. Here are three pillars to base your actions on: 1. Acknowledge the anxiety as a real problem and respond calmly and kindly. 2. Set clear boundaries around how you're willing to help. 3. Pay attention to your own mental health. This can be strenuous on both of you.
How do I know my partner still wants me around?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- Has conversation become a rarity? Does your partner never make time or sacrifices to spend time with you? Does he or she show a lack of interest in your life, or in physical intimacy? All of these are signs that love has faded. The relationship might not be dead, but you'll both need to commit if you want to turn it around.
I feel like I'm with my partner out of pity now, not love. What should I do?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- It's impossible to have a healthy relationship based on pity. If you're sure that's how you feel, it's time to break up.
How important is having sex?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- It depends on the relationship. Some people are asexual and have no sex drive, some couples abstain for religious or other reasons, and some couples go through dry spells. It depends on you and your partner. Talk with your partner about their needs and desires, and what you are and aren't comfortable with.
What if my partner doesn't tell you how he feels about me?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- It's time to take a deep breath, be brave, and ask him how he feels. Choose a quiet time with the two of you, and expect him to pause to reflect on his feelings and how to best put them into words. Be patient while he thinks and listen to what he says. If he is unable to adequately answer right away, he may come back to you in a day or two.
If I love someone who doesn't love me, what should I do?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- It's so hard to back away from someone you've fallen for, but that's what you've got to do. You can't control how the other person feels. Hanging around and hoping just prolongs the pain. Put some distance between you and begin the healing process .
What can I do if my husband has crushes on social media sites?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- Having friends online is fine but having crushes is not. Having an online crush could be a form of having an emotional affair and if he is engaging in an emotional affair, he is being unfaithful to you. You may find it helpful to read How to Spot an Emotional Affair .
How do I love someone I've lost feelings for?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- If you have the desire to love this person, you must have had some good times together. Be honest and talk about what you're feeling, and reflect on the time when you were in love. If you're both willing to have tough conversations (and consider couples counseling), you might be able to rekindle that love.